Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
