Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
