I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
