Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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