I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
