So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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