I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize