The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
