It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
