Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
