READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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