thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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