The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We don't watch enough power rangers
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
