get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize