Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize