Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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