Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
