Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
