you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
