hell yes lets make some ravioli
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we made out on top of his cat.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
