I heard we made out
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
