Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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