but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
