i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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