No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
