She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
