The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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