What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
