our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
