im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
