Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
