Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
