I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
