If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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