She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
