I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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