508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
