I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize