it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
