I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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