I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize