Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
