I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
