So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
