im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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