oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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