Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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