dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
