do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
