I cockslap morals
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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