her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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