i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
