Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
