it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
