tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
