We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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