...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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