New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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