If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
