I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
