so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
