he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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