Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence

(202): View more from Washington, DC

That burning is chlamydia

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(517): View more from Michigan

Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.

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(734): View more from Michigan

The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween

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(512): View more from Texas

There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.

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(214): View more from Texas

Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun

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(604): View more from British Columbia

One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.

(778): View more from British Columbia

Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?

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(317): View more from Indiana

This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs

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