i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
