his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
