Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
time to smoke my breakfast
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
