have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
