Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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