he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
