i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
