Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
