I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
