dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
