im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
