i just wanna soil my oats bro
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This is my gift to your gina
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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