I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
