I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
