i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
