I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize